'Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.'" Matthew 5 : 23 - 26
As humans, we are made to be in relationship with each other. This principle goes back to Genesis where God recognizes that being alone is not good. But often times our relationships become broken. Arguments separate us from each other, and these relationships become hard to maintain. But Jesus emphasizes the importance of being in relationship with each other through this passage. Offering a gift at the alter is a form of worship, comparable to church for us, and the thought of dropping everything just to settle a dispute seems ridiculous and unnecessary. But that is what we are told to do! Jesus doesn't call us to be normal. He shows us that relationships matter more than appearance and pride, and we are called to be out of the ordinary and go the extra mile to reconcile these arguments.
I will be the first to say that it is awkward to approach someone you have wronged or been hurt by. Nobody wants to have "those" conversations and its easy to forget about it and hope that if you ignore it the issue will go away. But this is never the case. Arguments need to be dealt with immediately. Take your relationships seriously. Don't assume arguments will go away, and don't let an issue fester for a long time. Take the effort to recognize a problem when you see one and put forth effort to fixing it.
Ryan gave some helpful hints in resolving conflict
1. When apologizing, say "I'm sorry" three different ways
Example: I apologize for hurting you and I'm sorry that it happened this way. Please forgive me.
2. Say I forgive you
It is easy to say "no biggy" or "it's cool" when someone is apologizing but actually saying these words makes a huge difference, to both of you.
3. Apologize for whats yours and let them apologize for theirs
It is easy to apologize just to help someone realize that they did wrong. If you feel hurt and need an apology then ask for it straight up, don't trick them into feeling bad.
4. Rule of best assumptions
A quick assumption when you are feeling hurt is that the other person hates you or you did something to offend them, when in reality they might be going through something really difficult and are distracted. Don't always assume the worst. You know what they say about people that assume???
5. Don't sweat the small stuff
If you don't need to apologize, don't.
Is there something that is separating you from God? Maybe something that is embarrassing and shameful, or a sin that you keep running back to? Know that God forgives you. Confess this to him and let his forgiveness give you freedom from the prison you are locking yourself in.
What about something that is standing between you and another person? I urge you to resolve this conflict. If you have wronged someone, humble yourself and confess. If someone has hurt you, forgive them. Don't put it off.
Ryan challenged us to fight for reconciliation. Fight for relationships because they are what matter.
I know this is something I've struggled with often. Please leave a comment if you can identify with having an argument that you don't want to face. How have you overcome these struggles?
If you would like prayer for this or anything else, I would encourage you to talk to your Bible Study Leader or someone else you trust.
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